Lasting Scars
by Alexjhag
Summary: 16 years living with Maleficent would do lasting damage to anyone; to a child who just wants their mother's love, the damage may be irreparable. Follow the story of Mal, daughter of Maleficent, as she attempts to navigates the complexities of being engaged to the king and being haunted by a past that she can't escape. Will she depend on her friends, or do old habits die hard?
1. Lasting Scars

**So I decided to take my first crack at writing a Descendants story. Honestly, I love the series but was bothered from the beginning that the kids of the most evil villains of all time were so...normal. Especially, Mal, who had such a standard to live up to, it didn't make sense that all she felt was a lack of mother's love. So this story delves a little deeper into what I imagine Mal experienced at the hands of her mother, and the lasting effects. Fair warning, the story gets dark. I tried to keep out any explicit statements, but the references are there for child abuse of all sorts. You have been warned. I should also say that I always welcome constructive criticism, but please keep it constructive. If you don't like something I did, explain why and how you think I might improve it. I'll discuss ideas, but I won't acknowledge comments that only say that something is bad with no reason why.**

**Also, I don't own Descendants. Now, on with the story!**

* * *

"No! Please! Stop! I promise I'll do better! I won't disappoint you again!" These were the words that woke up the blue-haired fashionista. She checked the time and saw that it was nearly three in the morning. Evie took a moment to stretch before getting out of bed and walking down the hallway of her starter castle to the room where Mal frequently stayed. She walked into the room and found the purple-haired VK and future queen thrashing about in her bed. It was another nightmare.

"Please." Mal pleaded in her sleep. Evie's heart hurt knowing exactly what Mal was seeing. For the tough act that she always put on, there was only one person who ever truly terrified Mal. She walked over and shook Mal gently.

"M, wake up. It's just a nightmare. She's not here." Evie said and Mal jumped up, looking around terrified before her eyes fell on Evie. She sank down, less alert.

"I...it felt so real." Mal finally managed to say. Evie just nodded. "E, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to wake you again." This made the third time this week that Evie had needed to wake Mal up from a nightmare. "I can find somewhere else to stay; I don't want to keep putting you through this."

"I'm just happy you're out of the nightmare and okay." Evie said, trying to suppress a yawn. "Do you want to talk about it?" Mal shook her head. Evie had expected as much; Mal never did want to talk about them, but Evie kept offering. She needed her best friend and sister to know that she would always be there for her. "Can I get you anything before I head back to bed?"

"No, I'm good. I'll probably be up for a bit working on some sketches. I'm really sorry, Evie."

"Don't think anything about it, Mal."

But Mal did think about it. Mal couldn't stop thinking about it. Even while she sketched the pavillion her and Ben had gone to for their first date, she couldn't stop thinking about how often she was inconveniencing her best friend by waking her up because of the nightmares. She got out of bed and grabbed a book from the shelf that nobody knew she had. She had absolutely turned over her spellbook to the Fairy Godmother at Cotillion...but that didn't stop her from making a new one. This one was purely her own, no evil spells that her mother had created. These ones were only meant for emergencies. And there were two pressing situations that she needed a little magical help with.

* * *

**(A few days later)**

Mal was attending another ceremony to celebrate the opening of...something. She couldn't really remember what. But it was a big deal and Ben being there to cut the ribbon meant he gave the endeavor his blessing. As Lady of the Court, it was expected that she was with him at events like this. She glanced around and, when she saw nobody looked, she discreetly yawned. She refused to admit it to anyone, but she was tired. Which was fine. Tired she could deal with. It was better than the alternative.

She met with everyone she was supposed to, and everyone commented about how well put together Mal was. If only they knew the truth. Then again, the truth would probably put most of the Auradonians in therapy for the rest of their lives. They had never experienced the level of evil that plagued her still.

"You okay, Mal?" Ben asked as he came back to her side and took her hand. She nodded.

"Of course. Why wouldn't I be?"

"You seem off. You're going through the motions, but you aren't into it. Kind of like when you were pretending to be the 'pretty pink princess' you thought I and all of Auradon wanted you to be.

"Well, I'm fine, Ben." Mal responded, a little more forcefully than she had meant to. The fatigue was getting to her, and she knew it. She knew she would need to sleep at some point, but sleep meant nightmares and that wasn't an option.

"Mal," Ben said as he took both of her hands in his, "you know you can tell me anything, right?" Ben was so worried, and so genuine, that Mal wanted to tell him. She made the decision that she would tell Ben about the spells soon and the nightmares before they were married. That was only fair, especially when she made the request to have her own room, preferably far away from Ben. She couldn't make his job harder than it already was by keeping him up half of the nights.

"I know." She said simply as she leaned in to kiss him. He kissed back and seemed to accept her response for the moment. They danced and partied for the rest of the night.

* * *

**(The next week)**

Mal could barely stay on her feet. It took all of her effort and concentration just to get through each event required of her. She hadn't meant to let it go for this long, but it felt so nice not having to worry about seeing those awful images every night. So she was a little sleep deprived. She could power through it with caffeine.

Everyone was starting to worry about Mal. They could see the things that she didn't notice: her face becoming more sunken, her skin becoming more and more pale, and how much tougher it was for her to focus on even the simplest tasks. Everyone - Ben, Carlos, Jay, Evie, Lonnie, Jane, and even Doug - had attempted to talk to her, but she brushed them all off and claimed she was fine. Evie kept pushing, and Mal kept pushing back. Their biggest fight was right before a groundbreaking ceremony where the land would be cleansed by water from the Enchanted Lake.

"Evie, I swear I'm fine!" Mal shouted when Evie had tried again to reach out to her best friend. Evie was undeterred.

"That's a lie and you know it, M! You can barely stay on your feet lately! You think we don't see your struggle, but we do! And we all want to help you, but we can't if you won't let us!"

"Did you ever think maybe I don't need your help? That I'm just perfectly fine on my own?" Mal said. Normally she'd have regretted the words, and normally Evie would have been angered, but Mal didn't have the ability to regret and Evie knew that Mal wasn't being herself.

"Mal, be honest with me. Is this about the nightmares? Have you been having them more often? Cause you know that you can talk to me. I know you don't want to bother Ben, but you know I…" Mal interrupted Evie.

"It's not the nightmares, E. I actually haven't had any nightmares in about a week or so." Evie was slightly taken aback. Mal had never gone a full week without at least two nights worth of nightmares, so for Mal to say that she hadn't been having nightmares was a warning sign for her.

"Mal...you are sleeping, right?" Evie asked, becoming concerned. Mal said she was, but she wouldn't meet Evie's eyes. Evie knew Mal's tells when she was lying, but how could she call Mal out again without risking her friend doing something stupid? Instead, she just hugged Mal and whispered in her ear "I know you feel like a nuisance and a burden, but you really aren't, I promise. We all want to be there for you, so please let us."

Mal nodded. "I will. We'd better get back to the party. Seems like Ben is about to do the blessing of the foundation and we shouldn't miss that." Evie agreed. It would look especially bad since this was their idea: a building dedicated to the transitioning VKs as they started their new lives in Auradon.

They both returned to the crowd and Ben immediately came to Mal's side.

"Everything okay?" He asked innocently. Mal and Evie had a quick stare down before Mal answered.

"Yep, everything is perfectly fine." Ben wanted to push more, but he saw Evie shake her head. This clearly wasn't the time to press the matter.

"Well, everyone's waiting for us. We ought to go up front." Ben said as he guided his Lady and her best friend to their seats up on the stage. Behind the wooden stage was a plot of land marked for the VK Dorm at Auradon Prep. Mal staggered as she climbed the steps and had to cling to Ben for help. He looked worried, but didn't want to cause a scene now.

"And now, a few words from King Ben!" Fairy Godmother said as everyone finally made their way to their seats. The crowd erupted into applause as Ben stood in front of the microphone.

"Thank you, thank you. And what a momentous day this is for all of Auradon. Ever since we started the program of bringing VKs into our society, it was clear that we would have a long and difficult road ahead of us. The people living on the Isle of the Lost have lived very different lives and have very different agendas. My hope upon issuing the proclamation was to encourage peace and unity between the new generation of 'villains' kids and the people of Auradon; I still hold that hope, though we have learned much since then. The children of villains are not villains themselves, nor should they be treated as such. Their struggles make them stronger, and should be celebrated, not hidden.

At those words, Mal wanted to crawl off the stage and hide. She had no right to be sitting here. Secrets and lies were everything that her life was currently built on. If the people of Auradon knew.

"And so, it is my great privilege to bless this foundation. May the new building, a home for the multitudes of VKs who will be attending Auradon Prep, continue to bridge the gap between our two peoples. Fairy Godmother, if you would please spray the water." Fairy Godmother nodded and waved her wand. It was traditional at foundation blessings that the foundation be sprinkled with water from the Enchanted Lake, to provide the building with a release from any magic that may have been remaining in it. A fresh start for the building.

A hose from the back of the crowd started spraying and both Mal and Evie stood, turning to face the foundation. Water droplets spread across the crowd as the water flew over, sprinkling droplets on all of the ceremony's attendees. It was a direct hit on the foundation and everyone watching could see and feel the magic of the Enchanted Lake acting on the foundation, purifying it. It was a beautiful moment and a beautiful ceremony.

Until the first scream arose from the crowd.

Everyone turned to see who was screaming, and then redirected their attention to follow the gaze and pointing finger of the individual screaming: a gaze and point aimed straight at Mal. Mal looked genuinely confused, but the rest of the crowd noticed. The whispers began, and some people fled the crowd. Ben tried to regain the calm that had just been, but it was broken. The crowd was panicking. Ben turned to Mal, knowing she was likely to be freaking out, but she was gone. He turned to ask Evie, but he saw her jumping off the back of the stage platform, giving chase to Mal. He went to move, but saw what everyone else had noticed: the red scars that covered Mal's back. How had he never noticed them before?

* * *

_**Mal's POV**_

Stupid. Stupid stupid stupid! How could she have forgotten about the Enchanted Lake water that risked revealing her biggest secret? The scars, the proof that she was a monster, had now been broadcast across all of Auradon. She had to run, she had to escape. It was too much to ask Ben to clean up after this. There would be too many questions and she didn't want to answer any of them. So she fled. She knew Evie was chasing her, but she could outrun Evie any day.

That is, anyday she was rested enough. She hadn't slept in a week, and that made it difficult to run in a straight line, or even stay on her feet. She was lightheaded and dizzy; she could feel her grip on consciousness slipping. But she had to hang on just long enough to get back to her room. Any of her rooms. Just...somewhere where nobody could see her. If she lost consciousness, she knew what would happen, and nobody could know about the nightmares.

She tripped over a rock and fell hard, landing on her knees and rolled, scraping up her dress. She was laying on her back, staring up at the sky. Her focus came and went, and there was a ring of blackness on the edge of her vision that quickly grew. She knew it was too late; this would be the end of her tenure as Ben's future wife. Auradon would never want a queen like her, not after today. She saw a flash of darker blue over her before she passed out.

* * *

Ben had finally caught up with Evie, who was kneeling over a collapsed Mal. Ben knelt down on the other side of Mal and took one of her hands in his.

"Mal, please wake up. Mal!" He called, but she continued to lay unconscious.

"Ben, I don't think Mal would want you to be here right now." Evie said, not putting her heart in it. Ben looked at her confused and hurt.

"Why wouldn't she want me here? I need to be here, Evie, Mal needs me! And those scars…" Ben looked down at his fiancé, wishing she would wake up so she could tell him why she felt like she had to hide them from him. Before he could ask anymore questions, Fairy Godmother arrived and, upon seeing Mal, conjured a gurney to carry her to the nearest hospital. Ben and Evie followed, never being far from Mal. Upon arrival, the receptionist recognized the king's Lady of the Court on the gurney and pressed a button under her desk, designated specifically for royal emergencies. The door opened immediately and Mal was carried into a private wing.

Once Mal had been moved to the bed, Fairy Godmother left to get Mal's official doctor. Ben held her hand, hoping she'd wake up. He was about to ask Evie what she had meant earlier when she said that Mal wouldn't want him here right now when Mal, still unconscious, spoke.

"No, please, don't!" she mumbled loudly. Ben jumped, and tried to wake her again. When she didn't wake up, he looked to Evie who was unphased.

"Evie...what's happening?" Evie took a deep breath. She knew she had to make an important decision. Ben deserved to know, but Mal had insisted that he be kept in the dark. If she followed her heart and told Ben what she knew, it might cost her her friendship with Mal; if she kept Ben in the dark, it might cost her his friendship and, in the long run, might cost her best friend the love of her life. Evie knew what she had to do.

"Ben, you know how we didn't have the best lives on the Isle, right?" Ben nodded. "Most people believe that Carlos had it the worst, because of being his mother's personal slave. But Mal was really the one who had it the worst. At least Cruella would let Carlos off as long as all of the chores got done. Nothing Mal did was ever good enough for Maleficent. She had an impossibly high standard and Mal was punished every single time she didn't meet that standard."

Ben was going to ask what kinds of punishments Mal got, but the scars on her back told the tale.

"How long?" It was all Ben could ask.

"Her whole life until we moved to Auradon. She wasn't kidding when she told you that she didn't know what love felt like. The closest thing she knew to love was the mutual affection her, me, Carlos, and Jay had for each other, and at the time that wasn't love: that was survival. We teamed up because we had to, not because we wanted to. But since the day she was born, she's never known love. Maleficent didn't even pretend, but Mal convinced herself that if she just became evil enough, she'd finally earn her mother's love. She learned to be silent through every punishment, no matter what it was...no matter what happened to her. And that haunts her to this day. You know how she hasn't wanted to stay at the palace with you and stays with me still? It's because of the horrible nightmares she has. Multiple times a week, she'll wake up screaming, fearing she's back in that life, enduring every form of cruel punishment her mother could dream up."

Ben sat silent for a few minutes. "Evie...the way you say that, you make it seem like there were more than the scars on her back left. What else happened?" But Evie shook her head.

"I've already said too much, Ben. Mal will be furious as it is. She didn't want you to be bothered by her nightmares, so she kept it private. I guess the nightmares got to be too much and she somehow hasn't been sleeping. But it's up to her if she wants to tell you more. I just...I didn't feel right with you being engaged and going to be married and not knowing."

Ben nodded. "Thank you, Evie. I really appreciate it." Evie also nodded and reached across Mal to grab Ben's hand.

"Ben, promise me you'll take care of her. She needs that in her life right now; she'll always need it because she'll always try to be filling the hole from the first 16 years of her life."

"Evie, you have my word that I'll be there for Mal today, tomorrow, and every day for the rest of our lives."

Evie smiled at Ben, hoping that Ben was serious and realized what he had been doing lately (though she doubted it), and squeezed his hand at the same time that Mal's doctor, Leah, came into the room with a cart of supplies.

"No. Please, stop! It hurts!" Mal's voice was slightly raised as she tossed and turned with tears streaming down her face in her sleep. Leah, familiar with Mal's nightmares, grabbed a syringe off the top of the cart, went over to Mal's side (after Evie got out of the way), and injected Mal with the substance inside the syringe.

"What did you just inject her with?" Ben asked, slightly afraid but not too much so since he knew Leah.

"A sedative. It'll stop the nightmares and put her in a dreamless state so she can recover. That will make it a little harder to get some of the information I need, but some of it I can deduce just by looking at her. It would appear her primary symptom is sleep deprivation. Can either of you tell me how she's been sleeping lately?" Ben shook his head. Mal rarely stayed at the palace, despite his requests that she move in. He looked at Evie, who let out a sigh.

"I've suspected she isn't. About a week or so ago, she had a really bad nightmare and I came to comfort her. She kept apologizing for waking me up and saying she could find somewhere else to stay so I didn't have to keep waking up because of her as she said it. I tried to assure her that I wanted to be there for her, but I'm guessing she didn't listen. Or maybe decided that the nightmares were too bad and thought she could avoid them by not sleeping."

Leah nodded. "I hate to ask you to invade Mal's privacy, but could you check to see if she's been using any spells? To stay awake for a week, that would take some serious magic or more caffeine than her body could handle." Evie nodded and left the room.

"Will she be okay, Leah?" Ben asked, the pain evident in his voice. Leah patted the young king's hand. For all of his upbringing and how well he carried himself, she sometimes forgot how young and vulnerable he was, particularly when it came to Mal.

"She's a fighter. If anyone can pull through this, she can."

* * *

**Evie's POV**

If Mal didn't recover, Evie would never forgive herself. She had promised both Ben and Mal that she would keep her best friend safe and she had failed. Mal had been basically living right down the hallway and Evie had never noticed anything off. At least nothing more than usual.

She arrived back at her castle and slowly made her way up to Mal's room. She placed her hand on the handle, but couldn't immediately make herself go in. This was an invasion of her best friend's privacy. Evie had promised Mal that this room would always be her safe space, and now that space was about to be violated. With good intentions, of course, but how did the old phrase go? The road to hell is paved with good intentions? If she crossed this line and started going through Mal's stuff, there would be no going back. She'd have to accept whatever consequences came from it. But if she didn't go in, they might not find a way to help Mal. The choice solidified Evie's heart and she opened the door.

The room looked exactly as it always did. Mal's fluffy purple comforter covered her bed and clearly had not been moved in a while. That was the first sign that they were on the right track about Mal. Looking around the room, the hints of purple and green that made Mal so uniquely Mal spread around, making Evie feel as if her friend were here rather than laying in a hospital. In the corner sat Mal's easel, an engagement gift from Jane who knew that Mal loved to paint and draw. The canvas on the easel was mostly blank with just a few lines sketched on. Clearly Mal had been about to start a project. Evie turned to the bedside table, where she noticed two books: one was the familiar sketchbook that she rarely saw Mal without and the other was a small, unfamiliar book. It was the small book that Evie grabbed and started rifling through first.

It was a spellbook. At first Evie was horrified, thinking that Mal was using her mother's spells again, but as she started reading them, she could tell that the handwriting wasn't Maleficent's, nor was the intent of the spells. There were various spells for healing different types of injuries, for covering scars, and a few harmless prank type spells. None of them seemed to be helpful until she found a page that was dog-earred. She read through the spells, analyzing each carefully until she found the spell she now knew Mal had been using.

**Because of horrors grasping deep  
Keep me out of the Land of Sleep**

She had been right; Leah had been right. Mal hadn't been sleeping, and it was because of the nightmares. A tear rolled down Evie's cheek and, for once, she let it. She felt as if she owed her best friend that much, not putting her makeup and looks first. Mal...why did she feel like she had to hide this?

Unfortunately, she knew the answer. Mal was always too proud and too strong. She refused to admit when she needed help, even after all of this time in Auradon. Mal genuinely thought that this was a better solution than letting her friends or her husband-to-be help her. Deep down, Mal still felt like a request for help was a display of weakness.

Well that was going to change, no matter what it took.

* * *

Back in the hospital room, Mal was sound asleep, still sedated. Fairy Godmother had come in and cast a few quick spells on Mal to make sure that her magic stayed in check while she was asleep, and several others had already visited to check on Mal. Even Audrey had stopped in and talked to Mal, apologizing for everything. They had put the past behind them, and had made a tentative peace, but the revelation of what Mal had gone through seemed to completely change Audrey's heart about the future queen.

"Ben...I owe you an apology, too. I was selfish and thought that you only loved Mal because of a spell. I couldn't fathom that a VK could possibly have it tough, or that Mal could be good. I felt…"

"Audrey, I understand. Mal's mother impacted your family right at its core." Ben said as he reached across and took Audrey's hand. Audrey looked at their hands and a sad smile crossed her face.

"You know, there was a time when I'd have reveled in this. I'd have loved holding your hand again. But knowing everything I do about Mal - not just the scars, but how fiercely she loves you, and how much you love her - I know you belong with her." She looked up at him. "I'll always care about you, know you?"

"And I'll always care about you, too, Audrey. We were always great friends, even if we didn't have the best relationship. We didn't know better; we thought we had to marry royalty because we are royalty. But we aren't our parents. We can forge a new path for the better of all Auradon." Ben said, giving her hand a light squeeze. She let out a chuckle. Not one of the fake laughs she had frequently laughed when they had dated, but an honest laugh that he knew from their childhood.

"Even when having a heart to heart, you can't help but be king, can you Ben?" Ben's eyes went wide. "Don't worry about it, I'm used to it. But, as a word of advice, careful about doing that with Mal. She loves you, not the king. So make sure when she needs you that she's getting Ben, not King Benjamin."

Audrey got up to leave and left Ben to think about what she had just said. On the surface, it seemed so simple. Yet hadn't that been exactly what had caused so many problems between them? Mal had once fled back to the Isle of the Lost because she felt like she had to be a particular kind of person for King Benjamin, because that was what she was told and what she had been shown. He had approved of every change she made without question because Auradon was approving of her. That wasn't Ben, that was King Benjamin. He had asked her to move into the palace with him, now that they were engaged, but she had refused. She gave a reason, but he had already been thinking about how it might be better that she said no, for their exterior appearance to the kingdom. That was also King Benjamin, when Mal needed Ben. Even today, when Mal's scars had been revealed, he made his first priority assuring and calming the citizens, rather than being there for Mal first.

He picked her hand up and kissed it. "Mal, I'm sorry you kept getting the king when you just needed me. I promise I'll be better, just...please come back to me. I need you. Not because the kingdom needs a queen, but because I don't know how to live without you. You're everything to me. Mal, I know I keep asking this, but give me another chance. Let me show you that being king doesn't matter to me." Ben pleaded.

"I don't think your parents would like to hear that, Ben." A familiar voice said from the doorway. Ben turned and saw Evie standing there. "But it's about time you realized that you were doing it again."

"You can thank Audrey. She talked sense into me." Evie took the seat across from him on the other side of Mal.

"Audrey means well and has her heart in the right place, she just made some mistakes. Everyone does; the king isn't excluded from that, and I know his queen will forgive him. I know _Mal_ will forgive him." Evie emphasized Mal, wanting to make sure that Ben got the hint.

"She might forgive the king, but will she forgive Ben?" He asked, afraid of the answer.

"You'll have to ask her. I found her spellbook, by the way. She's been making a new one for herself. None of her mother's evil spells. All of the spells had good intentions, except for a 'Staying Awake' spell." She passed the spellbook over to Ben, opened to the page of the spell. His heart broke even more; he had no idea how much Mal was suffering. "And Ben, I think you ought to see some of these…" Evie hesitated, but passed Mal's sketchbook over to him. He carefully flipped through it. Some of the pictures were sweet (he particularly liked the one of the Enchanted Lake and her attempt to sketch the stained glass window he had made for her), but others were horrifying.

"Evie...where do these come from? What…" He couldn't find the right way to phrase the question.

"The nightmares, Ben. This was her way of getting them out of her head. Apparently she thought that she could escape them by drawing them and getting them out of her." Evie pointed to another spell in the book.

**Memories fade and cannot last  
Erase these images of my past**

If Ben had been standing, he would have collapsed into a chair. So Mal had been slowly erasing memories?

But that can't be a bad thing, right? If she's slowly removing them?" Evie chuckled and let out a sigh. For all of Ben's wisdom, he could be really stupid.

"Ben, memories don't work like that. Even when they fade, they still impact you. All Mal did was leave herself confused about why she's been so impacted. If she had managed to erase every single event that made her have a nightmare, she'd still have the nightmares but the images would be blurry. They'd still affect her the same. And...even if they did fade and wouldn't impact her, she didn't get to the worst of them, yet. She'd be stuck with the worst memories, which could have been even worse for her."

Ben flipped through the images Mal had drawn, each drawn as if the viewer of the picture was seeing the image through Mal's eyes. One showed Maleficent standing over her wielding a staff. It was apparent that Maleficent was about to strike Mal with the weapon. Another image of Maleficent, this time a frontal image with the viewer looking slightly down. Maleficent's arm was stretched out in front of her towards the viewer, but the hand of "off screen," which gave Ben the impression that Maleficent was choking her. He felt a fire in his stomach as each image he looked at was worse than the last. One that really twisted Ben's stomach was at a dinner table. Maleficent had a plate full of food in front of her, while the plate in front of Mal only had a very moldy, very small piece of bread. He knew Maleficent was cruel, but to starve her own daughter while she herself had plenty.

"How can they get worse than this, Evie?" Ben asked as he looked up at her. He couldn't fathom what could be worse than what he was already seeing.

"The Isle is an unforgiving place, and Maleficent wanted to make sure that Mal rose to the top...whatever it took to punish her weakness. I...it's not my place to tell you all of Mal's story, but these parts are parts that all of us are aware of. Jay, Carlos, and I spent a lot of time helping Mal after these punishments. The others...were harder to be there for."

"And...who knows the other parts?"

"Only me and Leah. And I only know because I've heard Mal while she's having the nightmares."

Ben looked down at Mal, stroking her hand with his own. He couldn't believe the life she had led, nor the strength it had to have taken for her to survive as long as she did. And then she came to Auradon and channeled that strength to dealing with people who judged her solely because of her mother...all for him. Ben shook his head. He had missed so much.

* * *

**(A few days later)**

Ben hadn't left Mal's side since she had been brought to the hospital. Leah had come in many times, checking on Mal and treating her for the various problems that had arisen because of her sleep deprivation. Unfortunately, Mal hadn't woken up yet. Ben was getting worried, but Leah assured him that this was relatively normal and that Mal was still doing well for what she had put herself through. It was late, and Ben had fallen asleep in his chair, his head resting on her hand, when her hand moved.

"Ben…" She said, softly, her voice hoarse from lack of use. "Ben..."

The second time she tried to call for him, he woke up and sat up.

"Mal, I'm right here sweetie. I'm not going anywhere." He looked at her face and saw her open her eyes, revealing the beautiful eyes he loved so much for the first time in days.

"What happened? Where am I?" She asked.

"You're in the hospital. You gave us all a scare, there. You've been unconscious for a few days, now. Sleep deprivation. Why didn't you talk to me? Or Evie." Ben asked her. Mal couldn't meet his eyes.

"I couldn't keep being a burden on everyone. I know Evie lost a lot of sleep because my nightmares woke her up, and I couldn't risk waking you up. You have your kingly duties and I couldn't let my nightmares affect that by taking away sleep from you. And I couldn't explain at the time why I would want a room far away from you, so I took matters into my own hands. And failed. My mother was right, I'm just a disappointment and failure." Mal said, tears gathering in the corners of her eyes. Ben wrapped her in a hug and tried to soothe her as much as possible.

"First, you aren't a failure, Mal. You're the strongest person I know, you just need to work on letting people help. Needing help isn't weakness, it's just an acknowledgement of what your limits are. Okay?" He explained and she nodded. "And second, I owe you an apology."

Mal's jaw dropped. "Ben, you don't..."

"Yes I do, Mal. I owe you an apology because I made you feel like I was always King Benjamin so you always had to be Lady Mal. I made you feel like I cared more about running the kingdom than I did about you. And that's not true, Mal. I owe you an apology because you should feel like you can come to me with anything and that you'll get me, not the king. I let you down when you needed me the most."

"Ben, you didn't let me down. I let myself down. I convinced myself that your kingship was more important. I was convinced that my nightmares weren't a problem for you to worry about when you had all of Auradon. I relied on magic to get me through and clearly just made myself worse. Ben, you didn't do anything wrong."

"No, Mal, I did. Because you should never have felt like your problems are less important to me than the rest of the kingdom. I can juggle the rest of the kingdom and diplomatically handle all conflicts that arise because of that. If I get removed from the throne, so be it. I can lose the throne, but I can't lose you, Mal. You're more important to me than anything in the world." Hearing that, Mal couldn't stop the tears from breaking free and rolling down her cheeks. Ben wiped a few away with his thumb, cupping her face with his hand. A few more he kissed away, which made Mal cry harder. He held her close and let her cry into his shoulder while she clung to his shirt as if afraid he would disappear on her.

When she calmed down and composed herself, she pulled away and kissed Ben, then took in her surroundings. She saw her two books sitting near Ben and let out a soft gasp.

"Ben...what are those doing here?" Mal asked, fear rising in her voice. Ben noticed the books and looked at Mal.

"When you first passed out, Leah asked Evie to help figure out what happened. Evie and I were both really worried about you. Jay and Carlos, too. They're on their way back right now, actually." Unexpectedly, Mal scootched away from Ben, sitting on the opposite side of the bed from him.

"Ben, how much do you know? How much did you see?" In her eyes, Ben could see all of the fears and concerns rising. He could read almost every insecurity that she felt. He decided that honesty would be the best policy.

"I know about the scars on your back, and I know what caused them. I saw the sketches from your nightmares. I know about the spell to keep yourself awake and the spell to erase memories based on the sketches. I know about the punishments Maleficent put you through as far as you drew them. And I know that I don't care about any of it; I still love you, Mal, because you're still you." Ben tried to assure her, but she shook her head.

"You don't know the worst of it, Ben." He remembered Evie saying something similar.

"Then tell me about it. Let me in, Mal, so I can help you."

"Nobody can help me, Ben. I'm broken. Useless. Impure." The last word hit Ben like a troll swung a club at him.

"Mal, what do you mean impure?" He reached a hand out to her gently, offering it to her without forcing her to take it. Hesitantly, she took the offered hand.

"It was supposed to be a training exercise with punishment built in. Mom had...cronies. Several of them. Called it 'Play Time,' and I was to fight them all off. I can still hear her voice. Ben...I was nine, and they...they…" But Mal couldn't finish the sentence. She began hyperventilating and hurriedly trying to find something. Ben knew she was reaching for the spellbook, or maybe the sketchbook. She wanted the memories gone. Instead, Ben engulfed her in a hug. That was the wrong thing to do. A blast of magical energy radiated from Mal and sent Ben flying to the other side of the room. Mal had just enough control that she made sure he wasn't hurt.

"Don't touch me!" She screamed. Her eyes were glowing bright green and Ben knew that whatever she was seeing, it wasn't the here and now. He got up and took a step forward, but two hands, grabbing both of his shoulders, held him back. He turned to either side and saw both Leah and Evie. Evie looked down at him.

"Ben, you might want to leave this one to us. A guy, even you, is not what she needs right now. Not where she is." Ben hated it, but nodded. Evie and Leah took the steps forward. Evie spoke first.

"Mal, it's Evie. Do you know where you are?" Mal turned her eyes, still glowing but slightly less brightly, towards Evie.

"So dark. So cold. Mom's arena. Please don't!" Leah and Evie took another step forward.

"Mal, you aren't on the Isle anymore, remember? You're in Auradon. You're safe." Leah said. Ben was starting to realize that this wasn't the first time these two had done something like this. How many panic attacks had Mal had?

"I'm never safe. Mom makes sure of that. Only when I'm the best villain ever will I be safe from her. But I don't want to be a villain. But what else can I be? Nobody will want me now."

"That's not true, Mal." Evie said. "Ben wants you. Ben loves you for who you are. He's your true love, remember? You two shared true love's kiss at Cotillion." The green glow in Mal's eyes faded. She saw Ben.

"Ben...loves me...but I'm ruined. Tainted. Soiled. Unworthy of the royal family." Evie turned and nodded at Ben. It was his time to step in.

"Mal, listen to me." he said gently. He didn't approach, but made himself more visible. "You're more than worthy of my family because your heart is always in the right place. You do everything with the best intentions. You think you're impure and unworthy, but Mal I love you, all of you, because of how strong you are. And if your concerned about the kingdom and if you'll fit in, then I'll abdicate the throne." Everyone's breath caught and all eyes were on him.

"Ben...you can't do that. Auradon needs you." Mal said, slumping onto the bed, exhausted as the last of the magical green glow went out.

"Auradon can get a different king. They don't need me; I'm not the key to the kingdom's success. You're the most important part of my life, Mal. I was serious when I said I was living just for you and wouldn't ever stop." Mal smiled, remembering the ridiculous song he had sung to her on the Tourney field; the same song he sung to her when he had proposed. "You're my future, Mal, and if my position as king is going to cause you this much pain, I'll pass it on to the next person without any hesitation." Ben took a few cautious steps forward. Leah and Evie reached to stop him, but Mal reached out for him. He walked closer and hugged his future bride.

"I can't ask you to give it all up, Ben. I'm not more important than the future of Auradon."

"You aren't asking me, I'm telling you I will. Because you're that important to me. I love you more than I'll ever be able to say. And if not being king helps you, that's what I'll do."

The two lovers stared into each other's eyes for a few tense minutes. Nobody quite knew what was going to happen next. Finally, Mal let out a sigh.

"Auradon deserves you, Ben, and I won't take you away from them." Ben opened his mouth, but Mal placed a finger on his lips. She wasn't done. "So I'm going to do something I probably should have done a long time ago. I'm going to get professional help. I have too many problems to be the queen Auradon needs right now, but I want to get better." Ben really didn't know how to reply. He wasn't sure if he had just been broken up with or what. Fortunately for him, Leah stepped in.

"That sounds like an excellent plan, Mal. The wedding can be postponed a little bit and we can make sure that the people get a believable story so they don't get antsy." Mal smiled but shook her head.

"No. Tell them my story. Let the people know that even future queens have their problems. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I know I can't be alone. Let's make my first act as queen, even though it'll be an act as the future queen, to work towards ending the stigma that people need to suffer alone." Evie's hand flew to her mouth. Leah looked impressed. Ben had never been more proud.

"Are you sure, Mal?" Evie asked. "Some people may raise complaints."

"They will, but I've been facing people who have objected to my existence since I arrived in Auradon. They'll get over it. The kingdom deserves to know exactly the queen they'll be getting."

* * *

Mal began her therapy sessions and was diagnosed with PTSD. Ben was often in attendance at the he couldn't be in the room, but he was never far away. Several of Mal's sessions had conflicted with council meetings and other meetings . Mal had tried to convince Ben to attend his meetings, but he rescheduled them every time. He knew that she always felt drained after her sessions and needed his support; he hadn't been there before, but he would be there now.

Ben finally convinced Mal to move into the palace. It took some time to convince Mal, and a shouting match ensued when Mal tried to convince Ben to give her a room on the opposite side of the castle from him, while he insisted she move into his room. She wouldn't hear it because she didn't want to wake him with the nightmares; he insisted that he wanted to be there to comfort her after every nightmare, no matter how often it happened. The argument ended with Mal staying with Evie for a few days, before her and Ben made up and Mal finally agreed to move in and share Ben's room.

One night, after a particularly long day of meetings and appointments, Ben came back to his room to find Mal already asleep; he had gotten back especially late. He quietly crossed the room and started to change into his pajamas when he heard Mal mumbling in her sleep. By the time he turned to face her, she was tossing and turning, flinging the sheets and comforter off her. Her words were incoherent, but the fear Ben saw on her face was clear. In a matter of seconds, he was across the room and had his arms around her.

"Mal, sweetie, wake up. It's just a nightmare." He said, shaking her slightly. She woke up and immediately swung at Ben, hitting him hard in the shoulder. He let out a soft gasp and Mal realized what she had done.

"Ben! I'm so sorry, I didn't hurt you did I?"

"Nothing worse than I used to get on the tourney field. Are you okay? That nightmare seemed rough." He said, rubbing her back while she snuggled into him, resting her head in the crook of his shoulder.

"Just the usual. Maleficent screaming about how worthless I am, how I'll never be enough, and beating me with her staff." She shivered and Ben held her closer.

"She can't get you. She's gone for good. You're safe." Mal nodded, knowing Ben was right.

"I know that. It's just...the scars still hurt." He knew she wasn't talking about the physical scars that she continued to conceal on her back. He knew that the emotional scars Maleficent had left on Mal's heart and mind would never leave her - lasting scars that would haunt her for the rest of her life. And that was okay. It made Mal the strong woman she was, and he would always support her.

"I love you, Ben." Mal mumbled as she was starting to fall asleep in his arms. He kissed her forehead.

"I love you, too, Mal. Now and for the rest of our lives."


	2. Motherhood

**So this story was supposed to be a one-shot. But after I wrote the first part, I realized that Mal would have more problems than just the ones she started dealing with in the first part, and there was more room for healing. So I wrote another chapter. I don't currently have plans to add to this story again, but I also didn't plan on expanding it after the first part, so who knows. I do have other ideas I plan to explore, though. That will be a definite multi-chapter story that I want to finish writing, revising, and editing so that it's completely ready and I don't have to abandon another story. As always, reviews and constructive criticism are welcome!**

* * *

Tuesday morning found Mal lying across the couch of Jiminy Cricket, her therapist. Fairy Godmother allowed him to take a human form, which made it easier to have conversations with those who wished to talk to him. He sat in his chair, with his wire thin glasses, receding hairline, and kind (and non-judgmental face) looking at Mal.

"Thanks for taking the time to see me today, Jiminy." Mal said, hands still shaking from her earlier revelation. Her normal therapy sessions were on Thursdays, but Jiminy had made it clear from day one that if she needed to see him outside of their regular sessions, all she had to do was call. It had been two years since she had started therapy and been diagnosed with PTSD, and she had never needed him outside of their regular sessions. Until today.

"Of course, Mal. I've told you I'm always available to be a listening ear. How are you?" He asked. He always started the conversation that way. The first time he asked, Mal had gotten defensive and said that she was a total mess, which was why she was there in the first place. Jiminy told her, to start, that she wasn't a total mess and that she simply had struggled through different situations than other people had, and that her struggles didn't make her any more or less put together than anyone else. He then continued to say that he wasn't asking about her specific problems, but was generally asking about her and her life. What was important to Mal?

"Well...I'm doing okay, for the most part. I still have nightmares, but having Ben there to support me has helped a lot."

"And have you and Ben continued working on your communication and finding that balance between him being the king and him also being your husband?" Once Mal had gotten to a more stable place, her and Ben had given all of Auradon the wedding it had been waiting for. It was more traditional and stuffy than Mal would have liked, but she knew that there were some times her own preferences would have to come second to the royal traditions. The wedding had been just a little over a year ago.

"Oh yeah, we've gotten a lot better about that. We still have our bumps, but we always manage to work them out, and we make sure that any fights we have are at least addressed and discussed, if not completely resolved, before we go to bed every night. The nights that we feel we can't resolve a problem, we still make sure to say we love each other, even if one of us feels it's necessary to sleep in another room."

"And you feel like you two are working together better?"

"Completely." Mal said with no hesitation. And she meant it. Since she had started getting help, and started trusting Ben more with her mental health, things had improved quite a bit for them.

"I'm so glad to hear about that. I know you've also talked about your friends. How are they doing?"

"They're good. Evie's business is going crazy. She's had to hire extra help just to keep up with the demand for her fashion. Jay and Gil came back from their journey around Auradon with tons of pictures of everything they saw, and Jay is now playing Tourney in Sherwood Forest. Carlos has graduated and started at MIT, where he got a full ride scholarship with the promise for plenty of work because of how well he makes technology work so that it seems like magic."

"Sounds like you're really proud of your friends."

"I always have been. They're more than my friends - they're my family."

"Which I'm sure helps you a lot, having so many people who you're close to and trust. Now, why don't we talk for a little bit about why you called, if you're ready to talk about that. If not, you can say so and we can talk about whatever you want to talk about."

Mal hesitated. She knew she would have to get to the main topic, but she wasn't sure how ready she was. This was big, and would affect not only her, but Ben and the future of Auradon as well.

"Well, Jiminy. It's...difficult. I had a moment." She had almost called it a problem, but remembered Jiminy's advice from one of their early sessions. He said that her panic attacks weren't problems, they were merely moments. Problems made it seem like something was wrong and needed to be fixed; moments were just passing things that didn't speak to who you were and mattered only as much as you and others let them matter. He suggested that, in their conversations and her general conversations, she refer to situations like her panic attacks or other self imposed "deficiencies" in her character as moments rather than problems.

"We all have moments, Mal. That's nothing to be ashamed of. What brought on this moment?"

"Well...I haven't told Ben, yet, so I feel like I'm doing something wrong not telling him before I tell you, but after having my moment earlier, I need to talk about it with someone who isn't going to judge and won't be emotionally invested or involved, if that makes sense."

"I completely understand, Mal. You know that I keep complete confidentiality on anything said to me in this office. This is a safe place for you to say whatever it is you need to say."

"I know. Well, I've noticed lately that my body has been acting unusually. I took the test today and got enough positives to feel confident in saying I'm pregnant. I've already set up an appointment with Leah to confirm, but...I'm going to be a mother. I'm going to give Auradon its heir to the throne."

"I sense that this news isn't exciting to you. Am I getting the right sense?" Jiminy asked, leaving the floor open to Mal to decide how much she wanted to say.

"Don't get me wrong, Jiminy, I'm excited and nervous. But my moment came when I realized that I've never really had a proper mother figure to look up to. The only guidance I have is from Maleficent, and I think there are enough obvious reasons to say I shouldn't be following her parenting advice."

"I see. So you're afraid that you'll be a bad mother because your mother was a bad mother."

"It's crossed my mind, Jiminy. I don't want to ruin this kid's life the way my mother did to me. I want them to grow up happy and loved and intelligent and able to make their own choices. And I know they'll get that from Ben, but I never had a model for that growing up. Maleficent always taught me from the day I could walk and talk that I had to be evil. I didn't have a choice. I was never loved, only threatened and feared. And happiness wasn't part of my vocabulary until I came to Auradon and realized what it really meant to be happy. What if I can't be the mother my child deserves? What if I completely screw up raising the future ruler of Auradon?"

Jiminy sat back and thought about Mal's questions. On the one hand, he was proud of the progress she was making. Her first concern was about being a good mother. On the other hand, she still thought about her position as queen and how her singular choices might destroy the entire nation.

"Mal, I think you ask two very valid questions. As a woman who spent 16 years of her life not knowing what love was, it's only natural that you have concerns about being able to show your child the love you wish you had gotten. And as queen, you have to think about your child, boy or girl, as heir to the throne. But that shouldn't be at the forefront of your mind. It shouldn't be one of the first two questions you ask in relation to raising your child."

"I know, but it's a struggle. Ben has been doing so well putting aside his title and being my husband, and here I am incapable of putting aside my title to just be his wife."

"And acknowledging that is a big step forward, Mal. I think the next step is to have a serious conversation with Ben. Aside from him needing to know you're pregnant, he also needs to know how you're feeling and the concerns you have about motherhood. Give him the chance to support you."

"He supports me so much, I feel like I'm leaning on him for too much."

"Mal, love and marriage isn't always about a fair split of support. You're both there to help each other, and you can't give more of yourself than you have. Where you're at right now, you need Ben. Without knowing it, you've been supporting Ben by not trying to be someone you aren't. He can worry about you and your well being significantly less, which helps him. But where you're at right now, you need him to help carry you. So let him; I know Ben, and he'd want to do it."

Mal nodded, knowing that Jiminy was right. Ben had never run away from anything she brought to their relationship. No matter how wicked she felt, he had always loved her. He had even loved her _because_ of her wickedness in some instances.

"Thanks, Jiminy. This helped a lot."

"Always my pleasure, Mal. If you ever need to talk again, you know my number. And will I be seeing you Thursday for our regular session?"

"Can I talk to Ben first and get back to you?"

"Of course. By the way, I didn't say it earlier, but congratulations on the pregnancy." Mal smiled and thanked Jiminy before leaving his office.

* * *

_It was her first memory of her mother. She didn't have many good memories, just the ones that she had tweaked to be good. This memory, from early in her life, stood out because it was the first time she had been introduced to her mother's expectations. It was one of the many that weren't good._

"_Mommy, why am I called Mal?" She asked innocently._

"_Ugh, useless child. Far too inquisitive for your own good! You should be out making people fear you, not asking me questions that don't matter. You're called Mal because you aren't worthy of your full name, and you're lucky you have a name at all!" Maleficent screeched at her five year old daughter. Mal shrunk back, upset that she had upset her mother so._

"_I'm sorry, mommy. I didn't mean to upset you."_

"_If you don't want to upset me, get out of my sight and don't return until you've done something evil! Your dinner tonight depends on it!"_

_Something about that felt wrong to the five year old. Should mothers be...not like this? She didn't have any other frame of reference, but something about this felt wrong to her. But she did as she was told and went out to try and do something that she thought would make her mother happy._

_She didn't eat that night._

* * *

Mal returned to Beast Castle, her's and Ben's home, to be immediately accosted by Evie upon entering the door.

"Mal!" The bluenette called, carrying a clipboard in hand. "There you are! We've been looking everywhere for you. You missed your meeting with the seven dwarfs to discuss mining rights, but we managed to reschedule that one. Your next meeting is with Mike and Sully in 20 minutes to discuss the use of Laugh Power to help expand the Ethical Energy Project. After that is your meeting with Yen Sid to discuss making the Auradon curriculum expansive and inclusive for all types of people. Then you have 30 minutes for lunch, before you meet with…"

"Evie!" Mal said loudly, her head spinning already. "I really appreciate you telling me all of this, but I need to find Ben, first. Have you seen him, lately?" Evie looked confused, but nodded.

"He's in his office, where he almost always is at this time of day. But Mal, you don't have time…!" Evie tried to say, but Mal had already taken off towards Ben's office. Up several flights of stairs and down a few corridors that Mal had still gotten lost in for the first year of living here. Now she could navigate the castle with ease. She arrived outside of the door and gave it a light knock. She heard a faint "come in" and opened the door, peeking her head in. She saw Ben sitting behind his desk, mountains and mountains of papers in front of him. He looked up and smiled when he saw her.

"Mal!" He got up and hugged her as they met halfway through the room. He guided her over to the couch and sat next to her. "To what do I owe the pleasure? Don't you have a meeting in a few minutes?"

"I do, but I need to talk to Ben, first. It's important." Ben's eyes widened. He recognized the code that they had established. Wen they were alone at night, after 9:00pm, he was always Ben. If something came up during the day that was personal, or where Mal needed comfort or support or just to talk to ben without the pressure of the kingdom, she would ask to "talk to Ben," which signaled to him to take off the kingly persona.

"Is everything alright, Mal?" He asked, worried.

"I called Jiminy this morning. I needed to talk to him."

"I thought your sessions were on Thursdays? And that everything was going alright?" He took her hands in his own. She looked at their hands and smiled.

"Ben...I'm pregnant."

Whatever Ben had been expecting, that wasn't it. Various emotions crossed his face: shock, concern, excitement. He scooped Mal up in his arms, standing them both up, and spun her in a circle.

"You're pregnant!?" She laughed and nodded, kissing her husband. He kissed back, unable to take the grin off his face.

"When did you find out?"

"Just today. That's why I needed to talk to Jiminy, I was worried…"

"Don't worry, me, mom, and dad will take care of all the details. I know how much you worry about all the royal obligations, but we'll make sure it all goes smoothly." Mal's face dropped.

"No, Ben, that wasn't what I…"

"And of course we'll have to do a public presentation of the heir to the throne, as well as a christening." Ben was off in his own world.

"Ben, I need to talk to Ben. Please, please, I just…" Mal was begging, and she rarely begged. Unfortunately, Ben hardly noticed the change in tone.

"And then there will be names to pick. We'll have to be careful about which names we pick so as not to offend other royals." Mal had had enough.

"Forget it. This was obviously a mistake." She said as she stormed out of his office. She heard him calling after her, but she refused to stop for him. She had hoped that she'd be able to talk to Ben and get her husband's reaction but, as she feared, he had gone full King Benjamin mode when he heard he was getting an heir. She could feel the tears welling up in her eyes and blinked them away. She had gotten better about showing emotion, but also knew that there was a time and place. She went to the one place where she knew she could process everything: the bedroom she stayed in when she needed space away from Ben. On her way there, she passed Evie.

"Mal, your meeting…"

"Forget the meeting, or go in my place, I don't really care right now!" Mal shouted. Evie was shocked, and was going to chastise Mal when she realized that her best friend was close to crying. She sent a quick text to Belle and then followed Mal to the room she knew Mal would be going to in this state.

She lightly knocked on the door. "Mal? It's Evie. Can I come in?" There was a light thump that Evie recognized as a pillow getting thrown at the door. Most people would have taken that as a sign to leave, but Mal had thrown much worse at the door before, so if all she was throwing now was a pillow, it was safe to enter. She pushed the door open, entered, and closed the door behind her.

"Mal, what's wrong?" Evie asked as she sat down next to Mal, who was lying on the bed in tears.

"Everything, E. Today's just been one thing after another and I can't take it."

"M, if this is about the meetings, we can work on that schedule. Remember, we all agreed to talk about that if it became too much?"

"I remember. I remember all of the agreements we all made. I can't say the same about my husband." Mal couldn't keep the disdain out of her voice when she said "husband" and Evie caught it.

"Did something happen with you and Ben?"

"I told him I'm pregnant…" Mal started explaining but couldn't finish because Evie was screaming and squealing, congratulating Mal. Despite being hurt and depressed, Mal couldn't help but smile at her friend's antics. "But what does that have to do with you and Ben? Wasn't he happy?"

"Oh yeah, he was happy alright. Happy to be getting an heir to the throne." Evie gasped. She knew how much it hurt Mal when Ben acted like that, and to hear that he had done it again; he had gotten so much better since the last incidents.

"Mal...I don't know what to say."

"What is there to say, Evie? He's never gonna change. I was stupid to think he could ever be anything other than the king."

* * *

"_You'll never be anything other than a disappointment!" Maleficent shouted at Mal, age nine. She had just gotten back from one of her mom's "training sessions" and had come out worse for wear._

_She wanted to argue with her mother, wanted to fight back. But fighting back only made the beatings worse. And she was already in so much pain. Every part of her hurt and she wanted to crawl out of her own skin. She knew that she'd get no comfort from her mom, and was hoping that sleep would be kind to her tonight. Before she could stop herself, Mal spoke._

"_Mom, please listen."_

"_Unless you're about to tell me of some evil act that you did and that these lessons on your body are a lie, I don't want to hear it."_

"_But mom, I…"_

"_NO BUTS!" Maleficent screeched again, bringing her staff down on Mal's back. Mal crumpled to the floor. "Get to your room!"_

_Mal knew better than to argue. She climbed the stairs, carefully and barely on her feet, up to her room. She never listened. Maleficent would never be what she needed. She was stupid to think that her mom could ever be anything other than the Mistress of All Evil._

* * *

Mal was brought back to the present by a hand on her shoulder and Evie's voice.

"M, are you having the flashbacks again?" Evie asked, concern apparent in her voice. Mal wanted to lie, but she knew that Evie recognized the signs of the flashbacks. Ever since she had started to acknowledge and process her past, she regularly zoned out, her mind taking her back to random moments that, somehow, felt tied to what was happening around her.

"I can't control them, E, and...I keep hoping for some good memory. Some proof that Maleficent really loved me...even a little bit."

"I hate to be blunt, Mal, but you know she didn't. Just look at the scars you still have." Mal tensed up and her flight instinct went on full alert. Evie grabbed the woman's hands and simply sat until Mal calmed down.

"I just...I don't understand. Ben was doing so well." Mal said, taking them back to the conversation they had been having. "And then I mention I'm pregnant and he undoes all of the progress he made." Mal was planning to say more but there was a light tapping on her door.

"Mal, honey. Can I come in?" It was Ben.

"Go away, Your Majesty!" She shouted in response.

"Mal, that isn't fair and you know it. I'm sorry that I went full king mode, but it is something I have to think about. You knew this." Mal was going to say more, but Evie interrupted her.

"Let me go out and talk to him. You're in an extremely emotional state and need some time to calm down. Your stress levels being this high aren't good for your or your child." Mal just nodded, still contemplating throwing a book at Ben's face when Evie opened the door. She knew it wasn't the most mature response, just like throwing a pillow at the door when Evie came wasn't, but throwing stuff like pillows helped her channel her anger, which helped her control her magic.

She took a few deep breaths while Evie left the room.

* * *

Ben got excited when the door creaked open, only to deflate when he realized that it was Evie coming out, rather than Mal.

"Evie, please. I need to talk to Mal."

"She doesn't want to talk to you right now, Ben, and I can't really blame her. She told me about what happened."

"I...I thought I was making things easier for her. I was trying to be proactive and mitigate her concerns." Ben said sincerely. Evie rolled her eyes, remembering exactly how dumb Ben could be.

"You were so worried about being 'proactive' that you didn't give her a chance to talk. You assumed you knew what she wanted, despite her making it clear that she had no intention of talking about the royal aspects of her condition."

Ben hung his head, ashamed. She was right and he knew it; he knew that he should have shown more control. Mal had used the code and he had ignored it. He had made his choice, and even though he regretted it, he knew how seriously Mal was taking it.

"Is she okay?" Ben asked. He knew his wife needed space, but he refused to leave until he knew she was at least in a safe mental place.

"She's angry, as she should be." Evie said, and Ben nodded. "And she's having the flashbacks again."

"I...I thought they were lessening? She was doing better."

"She was, Ben, but the shock and stress of finding out she's going to be a mother is probably weakening her mental state. Having this fight with you didn't help anything." Ben stood silently, his guilt eating away at him. He was about to leave when both he and Evie heard a scream from within the room. A scream that could only be Mal. Without waiting for Evie's permission, Ben pushed past her and burst through the door, ready to fight whatever had made Mal scream.

There was nothing to fight. The room was empty, except for Mal who was curled up on her bed, hands over her ears, eyes closed tight. Ben ran over.

"Mal, sweetie, come back to us." He didn't know if she had fallen asleep and it was a nightmare, or if it was a flashback, so he tried to soothe her the same way he did through both.

* * *

_Sorry. The word came out of Mal's mouth before she had been able to stop herself. It had been the first lesson her mother ever taught her: Never apologize. And she had just done that. Maleficent's eyes glowed green._

"_How DARE you use that word under my roof! It's time you learned your lesson the hard way, since clearly my other methods aren't getting through._

_Maleficent grabbed Mal by the arm and dragged her through their home. She took Mal down corridors, constantly heading downwards, towards the dungeon. Mal knew exactly what was coming, and tried to break free. The more she struggled, the harder her mom gripped. It didn't take long for Maleficent to draw blood, but she didn't care and Mal had learned not to complain. All that mattered was getting free._

_But she couldn't._

_Her mother tossed her down the stairs into the dark dungeon, slammed the door, and locked it. After taking stock of any new injuries (a broken rib, a twisted ankle, a bruised wrist, and possibly a concussion), Mal carefully climbed the stairs and tried the door. She couldn't see her hand in front of her, so she moved slowly, hand stretched out, so she would feel the door before running into it. The door was locked, as she expected. She let out a sigh. The only way out was to make her way to the other entrance, a few dozen passages away, or wait for her mom to let her out. And her mom would never let her out._

_She made her way back down the stairs and started making her way through the familiar labyrinth of the dungeon. She had been put through this more times than she wanted to count, so she knew the path like the back of her hand. It wasn't being lost that scared her, it was knowing how her mother manipulated what she experienced down here._

_The first magic obstacle she encountered was a flooded part of the hallway. The only way forward was through it, and the only way to cross was to swim, which Mal couldn't do. Which meant she had to use her magic, which was always tough after getting hurt. But she channeled her energy and made it focus for just long enough that she was able to cast a spell._

_**Through this water send me now  
Let me live, I don't care how**_

_Like a cannonball out of a cannon, Mal's body immediately launched through the water. She came out on the other side, coughing and sputtering at the water that had gotten into her lungs, but she survived; albeit more sore than before. She would need to tweak that spell so it wasn't so loose on how she survived._

* * *

Mal jumped up, panting. It had been a flashback, but it held a stronger grip on her than her normal flashbacks. It felt more real. She felt arms wrap around her and tried to fight them off, not wanting anyone to touch her, not again, not again, not again. But whoever it was held on, and she ended up giving up the fight. It was easier to just surrender…

"Mal, honey, I'm so sorry." She heard the voice and genuinely relaxed. It was Ben holding her. She still fought a little, remembering that she was mad at him, but she didn't fight with the same furor that she had been.

"What are you doing here, Ben? I made it clear that I don't want to talk to you right now."

"And I'm going to respect that. I really am. I should have respected what you wanted sooner, and listened to you when you came to my office; but I can't change that now. I can only be here when you need me, and it seemed like you needed me after that flashback. Do you want to talk about it?" Ben asked, letting go of Mal and moving his hands from her back to holding her hands. She shook her head.

"I'm still not at a place where I can talk about them all, Ben. I don't know if I ever will be. What my...what Maleficent did to me...nobody should ever have to know that kind of pain."

"And you shouldn't have to bear it alone. Better or worse, sickness and health, remember? We're gonna fight, but I will always be by your side, no matter what you're going through." He leaned in and kissed her. She kissed back, unable to control the smile that spread across her face. "Just let me know when you want to let me in."

Ben got up and left the room. Evie, who had been standing back to give the couple space, stepped in and took over the role of comforting Mal. Mal never said it to them, but she hated being alone after the flashbacks. She always feared that they would become reality; that she'd be abandoned by everyone she cared about.

* * *

A few days later, Mal was sitting in the gardens. She had made amends with Ben and had returned to their bedroom, rather than her guest room, but she still hadn't been able to talk to him about her concerns about being a mother. He was too excited about being a father and she couldn't take that away from him. She placed a hand on her stomach. She wasn't showing yet, but she knew that a life was growing in her.

"You deserve so much better than me, little one. You deserve a mother who can shower you with love, and will know exactly what to do when you need her. I'm not that mother." Mal said, a tear rolling down her cheek.

"You won't know until you try." She jumped, not expecting to hear anyone else with her. She turned and saw Belle standing there. She stood up and curtsied to the former queen. Belle laughed.

"Mal, you're my daughter-in-law. You're family, no need for the formalities. Besides, if we're playing that, I should be curtsying to you, Your Majesty." Belle said, curtsying to Mal, which made Mal laugh.

"About a year of formally being queen and it still hasn't fully hit me."

"And it never fully will. It wasn't the life you had growing up, so it's never going to feel natural to you. Take it from someone who knows. But that's not what I wanted to talk about. Ben said you've been distant."

Mal grumbled. Leave it to Ben to send his mother in.

"But I would have come even if he hadn't said anything. We've all noticed you've been isolating yourself from everyone. Want to talk about it?" Belle asked as she sat down next to Mal. Mal hesitated. If anyone would understand her, it was Belle. On the other hand, the last thing she wanted was her own family thinking she couldn't handle herself.

"Mal, we love you. Ben doesn't always know how to show it, and he acts impulsively, but so do you. Don't shut us out because of your fears." Mal looked at Belle and saw the sincerity in her eyes.

"Well, you've already heard some of it, Belle. My child isn't going to get the mother it deserves. I was raised by Maleficent. The most 'love' I experienced were the days that I wasn't punished in some way.

* * *

_WHACK. WHACK. WHACK._

* * *

As quickly as Mal had fallen into the flashback, she was pulled back out. Belle's hand on her own and the comforting voice she used had quickly stopped Mal from sliding back there.

"Mal, dear, you're okay. Maleficent isn't here, and you aren't there." Mal took several deep breaths as she felt the ghost pain of the hits across her back. She could feel every single time Maleficent had hit her. They all hurt.

"Belle...what if I can't raise Ben's and my child properly? What if, after everything, I'm nothing but a villain? So messed up in the head that I can't distinguish between good and bad?"

"Then Ben, Evie, Jay, Carlos, Jane, Adam, and me will all be there to help you. You aren't a villain, Mal. If we've learned anything, it's that the world can't be easily split up into heroes and villains - you taught us that." Mal remembered. Hades, her dad, had just brought Audrey back to life, and they were celebrating hers and Ben's engagement. She had declared that she couldn't just be queen of Auradon, she had to be queen of all her people, including the Isle of the Lost. That was the day that barrier had come down, when Mal reminded all of Auradon that everyone can be good or evil.

"How did you do it, Belle? Becoming queen, having Ben, living this life? Wasn't it hard, coming from your background? No offense."

"None taken, because you're right. I grew up as an inventor's daughter with no mother figure. All I knew was what Papa had taught me. I had to take the skills he taught me and use them to the best of my ability. I'm not saying that your mother was a good mother, Mal, far from it. But she did give you everything you'll need to be a good mother. You just have to figure out how to use it."

Belle stood up and excused herself, leaving Mal to think. All of this time, she had been worried about being a bad mother, because she didn't have an example to follow. She did, in Belle, but it wasn't the same as growing up with a mother who cared. Now, Belle was telling her that she did have the skills in her to be a good mother. But how? And what could Maleficent have taught her that would translate to motherhood?

* * *

It was late at night. Ben was sound asleep next to Mal, who was wide awake. She couldn't get Belle's words out of her head. Maleficent was the Mistress of All Evil, and the winner of the Worst Mother of the Year award 16 years straight. How could she, the most evil woman in the world, have given Mal any parenting skills?

"Penny for your thoughts?" Ben asked quietly, rolling over to face his wife. Mal was surprised that he was awake.

"You should be sleeping, Ben. You have that council meeting tomorrow, not to mention…"

"They aren't important to me. You're what's important to me, and you've clearly got something on your mind." He placed an arm on her waist, rubbing lightly. "Talk to me, Mal."

She took a deep breath before she started. 'I talked to your mom earlier today. She found me in the gardens and gave me some advice that makes no sense. She said that Maleficent, though a terrible mother, gave me the ability to be a good mother. But...how is that even possible?"

"Well, what all did you learn from your mother?" Ben asked, trying to prompt Mal to think it through. And she did.

"She taught me how to hurt people. She taught me how to hate everyone. She taught me to depend solely on myself and that everyone else is beneath me. She abused me, Ben. I didn't know an ounce of love until I came to Auradon and met you. And yet you think I learned anything about being a mother?" It wasn't acknowledged, but this was a big milestone for Mal. It was the first time she admitted that what Maleficent had done was abusive.

"You did. Because you learned how to stand up for yourself - the way you stood up to her at my coronation. You learned that you aren't your mother - you chose good and chose your friends, rather than evil. You learned perseverance; the scars on your back show how much you endured and you kept standing, and you're here today. Mal, you may not realize it, but every lesson your mother tried to teach you was a lesson you learned. It just wasn't the lesson she wanted you to learn. I wish I could go back and make sure you never felt all of the hurt. Hearing you talk about what your mother put you through breaks my heart. But she also made you the fierce, loyal, determined woman I fell in love with."

Mal leaned into Ben, hugging him and letting out the tears she hadn't realized she had been holding back.

"And what if that isn't enough, Ben? What if I'm not good enough for our child?"

"Then you remember the most important lesson your mom taught you: the importance of family. Through everything, you clung to your friends. They became your family and your support system. Then you came to Auradon and you expanded that family. And now we're expanding that family even more. And I can guarantee you every single member of your family, from me to Jane and everyone in between, is gonna make sure not only that this child is so loved, but that you have all of the support you need. We're all gonna be in this together."

Mal nodded and let out a contented sigh. This was her Ben. This wasn't King Benjamin; it was truly Ben. And he knew exactly what she needed to hear. She was still terrified of being a mother, still worried about messing up. But Ben was right. Despite what she had wanted to believe, her mother did teach her what she needed to learn. She still wouldn't forgive her mom - the scars on her back made that impossible - but she could at least be grateful for everything she learned from her mom. It was all about how she looked at it. Mal closed her eyes and started to fall asleep in Ben's arms.

"Ben." She mumbled. He grunted, acknowledging he was still partially awake.

"Whatever we do, we're not including Florian or Bertha in our kid's name." She smiled when she heard him chuckle. Things wouldn't always be easy, but maybe she could learn to see things better and spin the bads into positives. And her Thursday session with Jiminy would be one of her best, she could already feel it.


End file.
